Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
