I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
