I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
