So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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