I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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