Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
