We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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