Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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