if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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