girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
