i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
