I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
