Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
