This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
