I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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