Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
love makes seman taste better
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
