Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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