i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
