take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
