what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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