I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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