shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
