so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
