Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
