Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
