he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
