Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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