I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
