I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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