i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
