so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
