Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
