My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
