you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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