Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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