Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My bed smells like the plague
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
