the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
