When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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