tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
