i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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