Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
