As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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