Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
