I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
