It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
