Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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