Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
