Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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