Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
