you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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