i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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