Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
