I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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